There’s no doubt about it: becoming a mom is a momentous occasion! Because of this, it’s easy for people to focus on all the excitement and goodness that comes with the arrival of a new baby. That said, new motherhood isn’t all sunshine and rainbows. The truth is that new moms face a plethora of challenges day in and day out. Often, these challenges go unnoticed by others and simply aren’t spoken about as much as they should be. Let’s explore some of these silent struggles that new moms deal with postpartum and some helpful ways to manage them as they arise.
Silent Struggles New Moms Face
New moms have a lot to look forward to, but becoming a mother also involves some not-so-sought-after changes and challenges. Whether you’re a new mom or care about someone who is, the silent struggles new moms face shouldn’t be swept under the rug. New moms deserve to be seen — really, truly seen. Unfortunately, this isn’t always the case. For example:
No One Notices the Mom Who’s Awake All Night With Her Baby, But They Notice If She Wakes up Late
New babies sleep a lot, which also means they wake up a lot.1 Because of this, sound sleep is foreign to new mothers. After feeding, burping, changing, and comforting their tiny humans all day and night, new moms deserve permission (and encouragement!) to rest when they can. Ironically, this isn’t typically “when the baby sleeps.” Even more, new moms deserve to be supported in how they choose to mother at night. For instance, if a new mom decides not to sleep train, that doesn’t mean she isn’t just as worthy of getting rest as any other mom. All mothers are doing the best they can and they deserve some grace.
No One Notices the Mom Struggling To Breastfeed, But They Notice If She Chooses Formula Instead
For some reason, society loves to put breastfeeding moms against formula-feeding moms — and vice versa. There’s incredible pressure for new moms to breastfeed, and we get it. We know that breastmilk is wonderful and that there are great benefits of breastfeeding for both mom and baby. However, at the end of the day, whether by choice or circumstance, she is doing what is best for herself and her baby. Nobody knows how much a new mom may have already poured everything into trying to breastfeed or why she’s choosing one feeding method over the other. And it’s really no one’s business. Nursing and pumping are hard, and breastfeeding isn’t for everyone for many different reasons. Ultimately, new moms deserve support and the ability to make feeding decisions for their babies without outside scrutiny.
No One Notices the Mom Coping With Postpartum Body Changes, But They Notice If She Hasn’t Lost the Baby Weight
It really shouldn’t come as a surprise that having babies radically alters women’s bodies. But alas, people still tend to point out these changes. The whole idea of “bouncing back” after six months postpartum blows my mind, as I’m more than two years out from delivering my second child and still haven’t lost the baby weight. I’m still breastfeeding, still waking up every few hours to tend to my two very young children, and still dealing with my hormones being all over the place. New moms deserve to be reminded that their bodies are amazing and have created life. They should hear nothing about their “baby weight” from anyone, ever. Full stop.
No One Notices the Mom Struggling With Anxiety, Depression, or Scary Thoughts, But They Notice If She Isn’t Fun To Be Around
Pregnancy and postpartum impact women far beyond what’s visible to the eye. I, for one, worry more than I ever did before having kids and have a lot less energy to give to anything outside of my own little family. I know I’m not the same spontaneous, carefree woman I was pre-motherhood, and I know I’m not alone. Even still, people often expect moms to be their “old selves” after having kids. Postpartum anxiety, postpartum depression, and intrusive thoughts are very real issues. New moms deserve care, understanding, and support in managing them.
No One Notices the Exhausted Mom Juggling Multiple Tasks, But They Notice Her Forgetfulness and Irritability
New moms have a lot on their plates. In addition to feeding and cleaning pump parts, washing endless loads of spit-up-covered laundry, attending doctor appointments, and everything else that comes with caring for new babies, the mental load of motherhood is unparalleled. It’s no wonder new moms are forgetful, irritable, and often completely mentally frazzled. There’s so much to remember and stay on top of! New moms deserve grace in the day-to-day and tangible help with tackling endless to-do lists.
No One Notices the Lonely Mom With a Lack of Support, But They Notice When She Doesn’t Show up to Commitments (Or Shows up Late)
Motherhood can be lonely, and the “village” isn’t always what one would hope it would be. There isn’t a welcoming committee that celebrates you as you enter into motherhood. You have to make the time and effort to create it yourself. But finding mom friends and building your village as you navigate new motherhood can be difficult and take time. Not to mention, new moms have enough on their plates to tackle — oftentimes, on their own. Obviously, all of this sometimes leads to the occasional (or frequent) late arrival or last-minute cancellation. It can be too much and very lonely. New moms deserve to be seen through the isolation and have hands-on help to make it all a little less isolating.
No One Notices the Mom Who’s Constantly Worried About Doing Everything Right, But They Notice If She Makes a Mistake
As moms, we’re hard enough on ourselves. We want to be the best moms we can be and do everything right for our little ones, but we are also learning our new role as a mother and learning our babies. With other people weighing in on our every move (and mistake), mastering motherhood can easily feel like a never-ending battle. Personally, I’ve always been an overthinker and natural worrier. As a lifelong perfectionist, coming to terms with the fact that I will mess up in my mothering has been a humbling, hard experience. New moms deserve understanding, compassion, and acknowledgment for being human. Not judgment.
No One Notices the Guilt-Ridden Mom Leaving Her Baby for Work or Appointments, But They Notice If She Steps Out Without Her Child
If you’re like me and it took months for you to feel comfortable leaving the house without your new baby in order to tend to your own appointments, alone time, or other personal needs, you probably know the guilt I’m talking about. People don’t realize how all-consuming new motherhood is and the tremendous guilt that can come with learning how to be an individual outside of “mom.” Instead of being made to feel even guiltier for going back to work or spending time away from their babies, new moms deserve permission (and even encouragement!) to do just that and what is best for their families.
Helpful Tips for Managing the Challenges of New Motherhood
Motherhood is a little bit of preparation and a lot of trial and error. There isn’t a guaranteed cure-all for the silent struggles women face in new motherhood, but there are steps you can take to help manage them. For example:
1. Know What Works for Your Family
Focus on what makes sense for you, your baby, and your family. Take a break from social media accounts that push parenting ideologies you’re uncomfortable with. Get comfortable with politely declining unsolicited advice from friends and family.
2. Ask for Support When You Need It
People often want to help new moms but don’t always know how to go about doing so. Be specific in your requests. Whether it be for a hot meal, an extra set of hands to fold laundry or make a grocery run, or a snuggle session with baby while you nap, you might be surprised to find there is a village . . . even if you have to reel it in.
3. Make Time for Self-Care
Commit to a chunk of ongoing, regularly scheduled “mom” time, and actually stick to it. Hit the gym, start therapy, go for a walk at the park, or enjoy a latte in peace at your local coffee shop. Some alone time is crucial for us moms; don’t ever feel bad for making space for it.
4. Keep up With Your Own Health
Prioritize keeping up with your own needs. Our bodies and minds need a lot of extra TLC postpartum, which sometimes requires us to check in with the professionals. Schedule regular medical appointments for yourself as needed — and follow through with showing up.
5. Try Journaling
If you haven’t already, start journaling. This can be an excellent way to release the tough thoughts and feelings that come with motherhood. Even more, journaling can help you stay focused on all the good that comes with the job. Try writing down five “mom wins” you’ve accomplished each and every day. You’re doing better than you might think!
New Moms Shouldn’t Have To Struggle Alone
The silent struggles new moms face are alive and plentiful. Whether in regard to feeding/sleep decisions and hurdles, mental health challenges, the endless load of motherhood, or “mom guilt” in general, becoming a mom comes with a plethora of hard things to work through. If you’re a new mom, give yourself grace. If you aren’t one but know one, give her grace. No mom should have to overcome it all alone.