As I write this, I am sitting in the pickup line of my daughter’s summer camp. It is the first time she has been away from her preschool bubble, away from the same kids and teachers she has been with since she was 2 years old. For us, it was important to have this transition period before she officially went off to kindergarten. Yet, as we are officially one month out from her very first day of elementary school, my emotions are all over the place. This is my oldest child, and kindergarten feels like the biggest step we have taken so far in her little life. So, to all the parents grappling with feelings of happiness and joy at the same time as sadness and fear, this letter is for you.
A Letter to Parents With Incoming Kindergarteners
Dear New Kindergarten Parents,
I know it feels like just last week that we were checking our pregnancy apps to see what fruit our baby was. And just yesterday, we anxiously checked our baby monitors to ensure our little one didn’t break out of their swaddle (again). Yet, here we are — parents of a 5-year-old. Parents to an elementary school child. Parents who will no longer know every minute of our child’s day, who will have to grapple with the small bits of information we receive in the car on the way home, and who will have to succumb to the fact that we no longer have a baby, that our child is growing up.
On the one hand, kindergarten is an exciting feat! You can rest easy knowing you made it out of the toddler phase, that you can mostly count on a full night’s sleep, and that your child will soon be able to do the fun things you’ve always pictured them doing, like reading books and making lifelong friends. As adults, many of our memories start with kindergarten. And for a lucky few, we may even still have connections with those we met at 5 and 6 years old. At this age, we start to learn who our children are as people, getting a glimpse of who they may become. But as I happily tout my daughter around the mall to find the perfect pair of sneakers for this new phase of life, I am, in tangent, filled with dread.
I have always longed for my daughter to be independent, to put her own shoes on, and to pick out her own clothes. But as soon as those things began to happen, I wondered why I wanted it so badly. I feel that same way as I watch her do things on her own every day, as I watch her chubby thighs slim out into long legs and her curly baby hairs straighten into a hairstyle that makes her look much older than I am willing to accept. When she suddenly enunciates a word correctly, a small part of me feels forever changed. It has been harder than I thought it would be to recover from her self-correcting “lell-ow” to yellow.
But that’s the whole point of kids growing up — I may not be ready for it, but I know she is. As I watch her sit at the kitchen counter and practice her letters and numbers, as I watch her play with her friends and listen to them have real conversations, and even as I watch her do the little kid things she still does (like crying over a paper cut or putting her shoes on the wrong feet), I know she is ready. And as much as you don’t believe it, you are, too.
As our children enter kindergarten, we are also entering a phase of parenthood we have never been in. One that may have come at us far too fast, but that is coming regardless. We may not feel ready — the same way we didn’t feel completely prepared to have a newborn or to drop them off for their first day of daycare — but we are ready. We have to be.
Instead of thinking of all we have left behind, let’s reframe our mindset to envision the days ahead. Elementary school is mostly met with fondness, and as our children get to experience all the new things that come with kindergarten, we, too, get to experience it through their eyes. We get to spend a day together doing school supplies shopping, feeling the excitement and nervousness of meeting their teacher, and waking up on their first day. Most importantly, though, we get to watch them grow and flourish in this grown-up environment. One day, we’ll look back at this time with pride and longing, only wishing for these days to return.
So, as I hold in my comments about the all-black lightning bolt shoes my pink-loving daughter insisted on getting, I am also holding back every tear and every ounce of fear I have for her as she starts her life as an elementary school kid. And to all the parents holding those feelings back, too, have a bit of resolve knowing that we are in this together. Just like we got through sleep deprivation and tantrums, we will also get through this — except this time, this phase of parenting does not have an ending; rather, we are just beginning.
Good luck, parents. We got this.
Love,
A fellow new kindergarten mom